I wish I could punch you in the face.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
