i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
