you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize