her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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