I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
