i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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