Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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