i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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