we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
