Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
