i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
