dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
