I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
