The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
