I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why are your pants in the freezer?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The ass gains better be worth it
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