just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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