My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, beer. Big fan.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
