Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
