Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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