I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
