what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize