Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
