last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
