Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
