Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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