Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Two words: blizzard sex
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
