heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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