hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
