At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
