Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
