I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
