i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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