..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
