I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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