look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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