i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
