i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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