idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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