She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
