i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
