No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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