Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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