...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
