I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize