He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
