How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize