It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
