Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had to cum in my sink.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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