Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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