Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
