No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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