then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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