end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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