Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
