my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
