so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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