I feel like abortions should bother me more
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
