ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
