Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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