margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
