someone owes me an orgasm
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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