Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
