Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
