We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
