Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
