Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
is wine microwaveable?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
