I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
