I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
