we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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