like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
