Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
