my phone needs a breathalizer
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
