I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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