just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize