It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
