so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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