STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
