So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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