What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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