You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
