sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
