you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
