Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
