I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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