I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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