Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
