You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
