She went from zero to smokin in five shots
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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