my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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