there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
