I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
