Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Acid is not a monday night drug
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
