cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
