its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
