My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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