When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He felt like a one man threesome
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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