Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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