It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is wine microwaveable?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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